There's a part of some of you that don't want to read this...but find a quiet moment, away from prying eyes and you'll never have to admit that you read it.
I loved you, dear reader, before I knew you.
Two parents, church every Sunday, pets, family reunions...I was a Texas kid in a black family.
Physical abuse, emotional abuse, murder, and more...I was a teen in a time of turmoil.
I never used that as an excuse to release my faith or rules my parents taught me. I had zero shame for my virginity. Never craved to fit in...not enough to pick up a bottle, light a cigarette, or swear in an effort to prove maturity. I...was good...not perfect...but good. This little Texas boy prayed for the world, cried when it was hurting, and sacrificed his sanity time and time again for people that would never lay eyes on him.
My moral compass was mine. I did not use it to plot out anyone else's course in life but my own and I used it. I challenge anyone to find a kid in my school that not only had a belief as solid as mine, but who also used it when there was a fork in the road of my life...again...not a perfect child.
I kept it together through the complete destruction of my family. Other than abandoning them at 15 when my shoulders were too weak to carry any more...I remained on a road of strength through innocence, certain that I was meant to somehow make the world a better place...because...I loved you and the world that you take for granted.
Now in adult form... I witness some who sit in thrones and dare to feel they have the right to tell me that I should reject what makes my heart happy. I have been in love and have been in lust and I profess that I believe to know the difference now. After all I've been through, I deserve happiness where I can find it...like you... as long as I am not robbing someone else of that same feeling.
I'm saddened when family and friends, who have cheated on their significant others (among other acts), are uncomfortable with where I find monogamous happiness. Criminals with dirty hands from theft, molestation, murder, and more commit the crime of unbalanced hypocrisy by giving me a foul look because of feelings I cannot control (this from people who use sex as trade and violence). Color me sickened when some fat b*tch sitting on the sofa, smoking and ignoring her kids until it is time to go pick up her welfare check, claims that somehow I have less rights than her because she manages to remember what a bible is upon her convenience. Equally shattering is a financial show-off, wrapped in clothes like a straight jacket marching through life deciding who is worthy of his love and assistance, who wants to glare at me because I am not all the things they think I should be without even knowing my name.
There was a little mixed race boy that once loved them...prayed for them.
Pages of a book are waved in my face. It is a book that they may have read until it knows them by heart, yet they don't know it at all. If they did, those pages would be their comfort in dealing with me. Their hearts would be in such motion that their tongues would lay still. Then, it would not lash out at innocent and not-so innocent people leaving wounds on our souls.
When they issue loveless ridicule for the things I do and say, they hurt my family, my friends, my nephews. They also teach their children to whip their tongues out as fast as they would a gun, hurting people just as bad. How could you manage to make a positive world for your kids if you say such negative things?
If there are people that think hearing Sunday morning sermons gives them a free pass to play moral sheriff in my world, they are in for a cruel eviction. There are many like me that have survived a cruel and unforgiving world without any hang ups worth mentioning or more importantly, without any help from "those" people. They weren't there to protect my mother, to protect me, to protect my family...I certainly don't need their unloving banter now.
If gays get full legal rights to marry, and they will, those people will only be upset because they lost...not because God has somehow been betrayed by the country. Because those people never gave God a thought when they opened their mouths. This country was never founded on Christianity to begin with. The founding fathers created a country where religious freedom (that means freedom from any specific religion) was one of the building blocks. If HE was so angry at people that he wanted vengeance, he would have issued that out the moment "United States of America" was uttered.
If homosexuality (as we define it now) is indeed a sin, homosexuals will deal with God on that...not you. Being my age without a criminal history or addiction, I think I'll find more solace in a loving relationship than in your approval. But in the deepest regions of my heart, where that little boy in Texas still holds a moral compass...I don't believe it is. Because the love I have felt has been as warm as hugging the sun and as cooling as snuggling the moon...that kind of feeling can't come from a bad place.
(to be concluded)
No comments:
Post a Comment