Like the chest-bursting creature from the movie Aliens, the answer is inside you and it hurts to come out.
Every so often, someone says something to you that is so simple yet so digging that it sets you on a new course in life.
If my memory serves, it was during a text-based argument (I loathe those) that a new-ish friend declared to me that I was "too self-aware." First, my brain had to come down from the heights of our adrenaline-charged discussion and take a moment to define the term "self-aware." It dawned on me. "Self-Aware" was a step or two beyond "thinking too much."
Upon reflection, I find it strange that I never denied his accusation. It was so accurate that I couldn't. Had my observant mind, my rough childhood, and my desire to overcome my obstacles turned me into some sort of monstrous vaccuum sucking up every little bit of information I could about the people around me as well as myself to the point that I couldn't enjoy people? Because let's face it...in a general sense...I don't enjoy people.
Last year I directed two shows at the local theatre. The first show, Distracted, was my blood, sweat, and tears project that I wanted to make a statement with. However, it was overshadowed by...hmph...as I think about it...my awareness. Awareness of everything that was going on in everyone's life...even if they hadn't told me or admitted it to me. It was a horrible time...relationships changed and ended, lots of disappointment, lots of unhappiness and poor decision making. I had the support of a couple of people...but considering the amount of humans that were in my life at the time, I felt there should have been more.
Anyway, since Distracted began with auditions, I have been doing something I never did before. I used to take on a big project that would last 4-6 months, then I would take a long break; playing video games, writing, finding new ways to be strange. However, after my second show Aladdin, when I was supposed to take a break, I found myself taking on more responsibilities. I agreed to at least two singing gigs, opted to help with several tv shows at my new job, started writing projects, generated two film projects, signed myself up for a contest, and so much more. Am I avoiding? If so, what am I avoiding? What am I scared of?
Maybe, during the time of Distracted (ironically a show about ADHD / ADD), perhaps I reached my peak of being "aware" and broke. So instead of wanting to be aware anymore, I stayed busy...so busy that I didn't have time to grieve any more losses, fight anymore battles, ponder anymore disappointments that came from or fell upon me... The more I think about this theory and start to look within myself (cheesy but true), the more afraid I am.
It's like walking into what is supposed to be the scariest haunted house attraction ever. You tell yourself to go in, but the deeper you go and the more doors you consider walking through, the more afraid you are of what will be waiting for you in the next room.
But, I do think...dear blog reader(s)...that I've learned that most answers are in us. We are responsible for almost every aspect of our life. I'm a firm believer that most solutions to most of our problems starts deep within us. I struggle with connecting to people. I tend to either put up a wall or get too close too quick. I am one extreme or the other. I know this about me. Now I also know that I am too aware...to the point I cannot overlook my own faults or others. How deep am I willing to travel to figure out the cause? Do I push further with my awareness, accepting it as a good thing? Or do I drop it all and race forward full speed ahead, filling my life with projects and goals to replace the holes in my life?
Friday, October 11, 2013
Friday, July 19, 2013
Fists of Love
"L" is for how loud you get with me
"O" is for the open mouth I see
"V" is very, very extra violent scary
"E" is even more baggage than either of us can carry
I have never really discussed my relationships in depth...especially not in a public forum, but...
The first and most exposed relationship we get to see before getting into our own is that of our parents. Then, we live through our own relationships and those of family and friends. Right now...I'm in a pretty good one, I think. Of course, we always think that in the beginning, don't we? But this one feels a little different and it makes me want to evaluate.
Parents:
The mother and father that raised me were a black southern couple who couldn't have children of their own. The oldest of memories paints pictures of a strong and dominating female figure, and a passive hard-working male. There were plenty of arguments, whose quantity seemed to multiply as I got older and included me more often. Screaming and cussing always seemed to be the key ingredients to the parental grudge match. I found those moments awkward and frightening. I would huddle in my room and find something to distract me.
Yet, when my mother died unexpectedly on Christmas morning, I think whatever pressure he had been under from the cards that life had dealt him finally broke through his spirit. She was...important to him. After 40 years...how could she not be?
Friends:
Gosh...when one thinks of close friends I have had...I can only think of 1 or 2 couples that did not fight on a regular basis. Some never put these arguments on display, while others should have just sold tickets and at least made a profit.
Couples fight...but I cannot imagine fighting on a weekly basis like a prize champion boxer. I don't see that as something healthy for me. Three or four disagreements max would be my limit. Not like this couple I knew in Tulsa. He was a firefighter during the day, and a wife-fighter by night. She was always screeching at him like a harpy over some request of hers he didn't fill.
It was the classic "You treat me like a Queen while I treat you like my servant." scenario. I mostly just listened and told them it would get better, but I didn't believe that for a second. 5 or 6 years later and they are divorced with 2 kids. There was no balance there, I just didn't see how it could work.
Me:
My first relationship was abusive. I was young and he was old(er) and fighting serious demons. I never chose relationships based on looks or what they could give me. I chose them, like I chose my first, based on how nice they seemed and what I thought I could do for them. My first relationship is my first true love. Despite the unhealthiness, there was real love there. I would be with him now if not for the drug abuse and his untimely death. This is where I learned that "love" alone does not a healthy relationship make.
My next relevant relationship that lasted any time was with someone younger than me, but seemed responsible and loving. But he was always fighting the world. Never fought with me and always treated me with respect, but the world was another matter.
Fast forward through a string of other bizarre and unhealthy dates (unhealthy because I still had not learned all of my lessons about love). We come to a man about my age, funny, gentle, but not right. Still, I was instantly taken with him and it was the second time after my first that I fell hard for someone. He made my days...but health and his past made him miserable most of the time. He wasn't interested in me...not enough. But I was so interested in him that I didn't see that. When it ended, it broke me...No...I mean...it...broke...me. And that's not a bad thing.
Through the recovery process and learning to let him go, I finally started a lesson about "love" that I had managed to avoid my entire life.
Being "in love" is about the look in the eyes, the excitement of something new and wonderful. Finding "love", though. That is calm and comforting. It isn't rushing, screaming, or complicated. A good relationship, in my eyes, is sprouting a warm smile when you see the face of that special person. It is the trust that allows you to enjoy your life, even when they aren't near. It does not replace your life, it enhances it.
I have a roommate that I love like family...he IS family. We have lived together for almost 15 years. When I was younger, much younger, there were a few screaming fights every month or so at least. Now, with this life change and all of this effort to make a better life jazz...I can disagree with him without ever raising my voice.
Sure, he makes me furious and I'm sure this new bf will too...but priorities.
I have conversed with myself quite recently during those periods of frustration. It went something like this.
Angry Me: "I have asked him over and over to wash a full load of clothes to save water! WTF! I'm tired of being the only one trying to save some freaking money"
Reasonable Me: "You know...he also bought you laundry soap when you were broke last month."
Angry Me: "Yeah, well..."
Reasonable Me: "Are you really going to let some water usage ruin what could be a good evening, just to get a point across."
Angry Me: "Shut up, Reasonable Me...and kiss me...Kiss me like you kissed Nixon."
Okay, that last part is made up, but this kind dialogue has kept me from making a fool of myself with the new bf. I have had those moments of paranoia seep in because of all the failed relationships in the past and especially all the lies. Then, I tell myself "You have no proof to support being paranoid. He treats you well. And if this relationship ends, you know how to be happy while being single. Get over yourself!"
So, a few years ago I made a comment about true friends; "It's not about the good times you have, but how you handle the bad times" THIS is what I look for in relationships. Will we handle arguments in a way that is healthy for me? Will we be able to effectively give the other person what they need in times of sorrow?
It's what made me choose the new bf over another option I had. I met them around the same time and had no expectations of either turning into anything. But the moment I got into a screaming match with B (after our second date), I knew it was not healthy for me.
The last big thing about the new bf is that I enjoy being around him, but I enjoy my time alone. I love for him to go do things on his own and then share them with me next time we talk (although he usually sends pics or texts during). We know we are with each other, so we don't NEEEEED to be with each other...not all the time. I think that's what they call "trust" or maybe it is more "security".
So...review; It's not about my future disagreements with new bf, but how I have those disagreements. Two, our relationship is about him (as individual), me(as an individual) and us (as a duo).
"O" is for the open mouth I see
"V" is very, very extra violent scary
"E" is even more baggage than either of us can carry
I have never really discussed my relationships in depth...especially not in a public forum, but...
The first and most exposed relationship we get to see before getting into our own is that of our parents. Then, we live through our own relationships and those of family and friends. Right now...I'm in a pretty good one, I think. Of course, we always think that in the beginning, don't we? But this one feels a little different and it makes me want to evaluate.
Parents:
The mother and father that raised me were a black southern couple who couldn't have children of their own. The oldest of memories paints pictures of a strong and dominating female figure, and a passive hard-working male. There were plenty of arguments, whose quantity seemed to multiply as I got older and included me more often. Screaming and cussing always seemed to be the key ingredients to the parental grudge match. I found those moments awkward and frightening. I would huddle in my room and find something to distract me.
Yet, when my mother died unexpectedly on Christmas morning, I think whatever pressure he had been under from the cards that life had dealt him finally broke through his spirit. She was...important to him. After 40 years...how could she not be?
Friends:
Gosh...when one thinks of close friends I have had...I can only think of 1 or 2 couples that did not fight on a regular basis. Some never put these arguments on display, while others should have just sold tickets and at least made a profit.
Couples fight...but I cannot imagine fighting on a weekly basis like a prize champion boxer. I don't see that as something healthy for me. Three or four disagreements max would be my limit. Not like this couple I knew in Tulsa. He was a firefighter during the day, and a wife-fighter by night. She was always screeching at him like a harpy over some request of hers he didn't fill.
It was the classic "You treat me like a Queen while I treat you like my servant." scenario. I mostly just listened and told them it would get better, but I didn't believe that for a second. 5 or 6 years later and they are divorced with 2 kids. There was no balance there, I just didn't see how it could work.
Me:
My first relationship was abusive. I was young and he was old(er) and fighting serious demons. I never chose relationships based on looks or what they could give me. I chose them, like I chose my first, based on how nice they seemed and what I thought I could do for them. My first relationship is my first true love. Despite the unhealthiness, there was real love there. I would be with him now if not for the drug abuse and his untimely death. This is where I learned that "love" alone does not a healthy relationship make.
My next relevant relationship that lasted any time was with someone younger than me, but seemed responsible and loving. But he was always fighting the world. Never fought with me and always treated me with respect, but the world was another matter.
Fast forward through a string of other bizarre and unhealthy dates (unhealthy because I still had not learned all of my lessons about love). We come to a man about my age, funny, gentle, but not right. Still, I was instantly taken with him and it was the second time after my first that I fell hard for someone. He made my days...but health and his past made him miserable most of the time. He wasn't interested in me...not enough. But I was so interested in him that I didn't see that. When it ended, it broke me...No...I mean...it...broke...me. And that's not a bad thing.
Through the recovery process and learning to let him go, I finally started a lesson about "love" that I had managed to avoid my entire life.
Being "in love" is about the look in the eyes, the excitement of something new and wonderful. Finding "love", though. That is calm and comforting. It isn't rushing, screaming, or complicated. A good relationship, in my eyes, is sprouting a warm smile when you see the face of that special person. It is the trust that allows you to enjoy your life, even when they aren't near. It does not replace your life, it enhances it.
I have a roommate that I love like family...he IS family. We have lived together for almost 15 years. When I was younger, much younger, there were a few screaming fights every month or so at least. Now, with this life change and all of this effort to make a better life jazz...I can disagree with him without ever raising my voice.
Sure, he makes me furious and I'm sure this new bf will too...but priorities.
I have conversed with myself quite recently during those periods of frustration. It went something like this.
Angry Me: "I have asked him over and over to wash a full load of clothes to save water! WTF! I'm tired of being the only one trying to save some freaking money"
Reasonable Me: "You know...he also bought you laundry soap when you were broke last month."
Angry Me: "Yeah, well..."
Reasonable Me: "Are you really going to let some water usage ruin what could be a good evening, just to get a point across."
Angry Me: "Shut up, Reasonable Me...and kiss me...Kiss me like you kissed Nixon."
Okay, that last part is made up, but this kind dialogue has kept me from making a fool of myself with the new bf. I have had those moments of paranoia seep in because of all the failed relationships in the past and especially all the lies. Then, I tell myself "You have no proof to support being paranoid. He treats you well. And if this relationship ends, you know how to be happy while being single. Get over yourself!"
So, a few years ago I made a comment about true friends; "It's not about the good times you have, but how you handle the bad times" THIS is what I look for in relationships. Will we handle arguments in a way that is healthy for me? Will we be able to effectively give the other person what they need in times of sorrow?
It's what made me choose the new bf over another option I had. I met them around the same time and had no expectations of either turning into anything. But the moment I got into a screaming match with B (after our second date), I knew it was not healthy for me.
The last big thing about the new bf is that I enjoy being around him, but I enjoy my time alone. I love for him to go do things on his own and then share them with me next time we talk (although he usually sends pics or texts during). We know we are with each other, so we don't NEEEEED to be with each other...not all the time. I think that's what they call "trust" or maybe it is more "security".
So...review; It's not about my future disagreements with new bf, but how I have those disagreements. Two, our relationship is about him (as individual), me(as an individual) and us (as a duo).
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
You Put The "End" in "Friendship"
Friends are not defined by the good times you have, but by the way they handle your trials.
I have often said that it is easy to become my friend...but difficult to maintain that friendship. Now, as I get older...I find it just as difficult to find a good friend.
Part of this roots back to my childhood (doesn't everything). Going outdoors for me was like an annual vacation for some. I was kept closely guarded as though my life depended on it, because it did. Living in this oppressed state at home caused some social obstacles between me and the rest of society.
I recall a repairman working on the outside of our house. I was no older than 5 or 6 years old. He was working near my bedroom window. I crawled up to the glass and watched him work. When he noticed me, he smiled and waved. I smiled and waved back. This was more of a zoo animal / spectator scenario. I was merely mimicking the repairman. Me on one side of the glass and he on the other. When he responded to my existence, I felt like I was somehow experiencing the rest of the world.
Anyway, I have spent many years tearing down the barriers of social uncertainty in my life; founded on insecurities and lack of experience. When I did, I began to make friends with all sorts of people. I had friends calling and inviting and requesting my presence. I found it all exhausting.
I was and am an introvert. That is, I get my energy from being alone. Some people are re-charged by interacting with others. This is not me. It isn't a disorder or a flaw. It is just how my mental and emotional make-up are at the core.
However, I enjoyed watching, helping, and creating with others. I enjoyed being a part of the world. I was doing it wrong though. My pattern became dulling my shine so that others could prosper. In addition, I was overlooking bad traits of others for the sake of this social acceptance. This was leaving me empty, because those times in my life where I struggled there was no one to turn to. For some it was more a case of them not being able to provide what I needed as friends.
Over this last year I began looking at my relationships, the happiness of myself, the happiness of others. In a lot of cases, it was the lack of happiness. Why was I miserable? Why was I meeting with drama and sadness at more consistent intervals than dental appointments?
I realized that these "fun" people in my life weren't all "healthy". Example; one of my best friends for close to ten years. He was the guy I called on for almost any adventure. When he met with hardship, I worried about him like a brother (or at least a close cousin). If he needed my time, it was rare that he didn't get it. I almost flew across state because I was concerned about him.
Fast forward to a time in my life where the waters in my life were severely troubled. I was dangling on the edge, but fought my way back. For the first time, I did so without expectations of help from anyone else. Though I had finally found my footing, I was still a bit fragile. I was afraid of slipping back into dark depression and still struggling to form a solid relationship with this "new me".
Part of this new and improved life involved evaluating all of the friends and family I had, as well as how I was treating myself. What expectations did I have of me? I knew that surrounding myself with healthier people who had the attitude and joy that I wanted to have. So, I took a step back from everyone.
My best "friend" and his partner always seemed to be fighting and I, trying to be reliable, always listened. On a few extreme cases I intervened to protect him. However, my new path caused me to step back and understand that I had my own issues to fix and nothing I was doing was helping his relationship. The both of them began to question my actions, which is totally understandable. Perhaps they felt hurt and rejected...also understandable. I decided to respond as honestly and kindly as I could. I expressed that I was going through some things and that I was not in a place to discuss it all. The response I got back was that his partner was hurt and wanted to know. That was pretty much it. Again, I said that I was dealing with things and it had been almost a year since I went self-destructive, so I was a little fragile. To this, he responded that his partner really wanted to know and maybe we could get together.
Does anyone else see the problem? There was zero concern for what I was going through...It was all about them being hurt that they were removed from f*cking facebook and that I put some space between us all. There was no "I'm sorry. Are you okay?" "What's wrong?" "Is there anything we can do?"
All of the understanding went out the window when they kept pushing to know. I met with my friend and verbalized all of this in person, in a lot less kosher manner. I told him what I thought of him, his significant other, their marriage, our other friends. I started to calm down after the rant and said "maybe we can all have a sit down discussion about this in a few months after I have some downtime" He said okay.
Next thing I knew, he's already talked to his significant other and is trying to schedule coffee to talk it over. He had not heard a word I said. It was all still about them. I gave up.
At first walking away from my friend was painful and confusing. Then, over time I found it empowering. I was basking in the energy of taking control of my life. I was wiping the slate clean and viewing my environment with new eyes.
I saw who were friends. I knew who meant me nothing good. I could also identify friends that just were NOT healthy for my happiness and sanity.
So, here I sit with fewer "friends" and only a glint of sadness for the loss. I am okay with quality over quantity. I am now being a friend to myself, just as I would everyone else. It's new and exhilarating. I am proud that I can rely on myself instead of depressed because no one is there for me. It feels really good. :)
I have often said that it is easy to become my friend...but difficult to maintain that friendship. Now, as I get older...I find it just as difficult to find a good friend.
Part of this roots back to my childhood (doesn't everything). Going outdoors for me was like an annual vacation for some. I was kept closely guarded as though my life depended on it, because it did. Living in this oppressed state at home caused some social obstacles between me and the rest of society.
I recall a repairman working on the outside of our house. I was no older than 5 or 6 years old. He was working near my bedroom window. I crawled up to the glass and watched him work. When he noticed me, he smiled and waved. I smiled and waved back. This was more of a zoo animal / spectator scenario. I was merely mimicking the repairman. Me on one side of the glass and he on the other. When he responded to my existence, I felt like I was somehow experiencing the rest of the world.
Anyway, I have spent many years tearing down the barriers of social uncertainty in my life; founded on insecurities and lack of experience. When I did, I began to make friends with all sorts of people. I had friends calling and inviting and requesting my presence. I found it all exhausting.
I was and am an introvert. That is, I get my energy from being alone. Some people are re-charged by interacting with others. This is not me. It isn't a disorder or a flaw. It is just how my mental and emotional make-up are at the core.
However, I enjoyed watching, helping, and creating with others. I enjoyed being a part of the world. I was doing it wrong though. My pattern became dulling my shine so that others could prosper. In addition, I was overlooking bad traits of others for the sake of this social acceptance. This was leaving me empty, because those times in my life where I struggled there was no one to turn to. For some it was more a case of them not being able to provide what I needed as friends.
Over this last year I began looking at my relationships, the happiness of myself, the happiness of others. In a lot of cases, it was the lack of happiness. Why was I miserable? Why was I meeting with drama and sadness at more consistent intervals than dental appointments?
I realized that these "fun" people in my life weren't all "healthy". Example; one of my best friends for close to ten years. He was the guy I called on for almost any adventure. When he met with hardship, I worried about him like a brother (or at least a close cousin). If he needed my time, it was rare that he didn't get it. I almost flew across state because I was concerned about him.
Fast forward to a time in my life where the waters in my life were severely troubled. I was dangling on the edge, but fought my way back. For the first time, I did so without expectations of help from anyone else. Though I had finally found my footing, I was still a bit fragile. I was afraid of slipping back into dark depression and still struggling to form a solid relationship with this "new me".
Part of this new and improved life involved evaluating all of the friends and family I had, as well as how I was treating myself. What expectations did I have of me? I knew that surrounding myself with healthier people who had the attitude and joy that I wanted to have. So, I took a step back from everyone.
My best "friend" and his partner always seemed to be fighting and I, trying to be reliable, always listened. On a few extreme cases I intervened to protect him. However, my new path caused me to step back and understand that I had my own issues to fix and nothing I was doing was helping his relationship. The both of them began to question my actions, which is totally understandable. Perhaps they felt hurt and rejected...also understandable. I decided to respond as honestly and kindly as I could. I expressed that I was going through some things and that I was not in a place to discuss it all. The response I got back was that his partner was hurt and wanted to know. That was pretty much it. Again, I said that I was dealing with things and it had been almost a year since I went self-destructive, so I was a little fragile. To this, he responded that his partner really wanted to know and maybe we could get together.
Does anyone else see the problem? There was zero concern for what I was going through...It was all about them being hurt that they were removed from f*cking facebook and that I put some space between us all. There was no "I'm sorry. Are you okay?" "What's wrong?" "Is there anything we can do?"
All of the understanding went out the window when they kept pushing to know. I met with my friend and verbalized all of this in person, in a lot less kosher manner. I told him what I thought of him, his significant other, their marriage, our other friends. I started to calm down after the rant and said "maybe we can all have a sit down discussion about this in a few months after I have some downtime" He said okay.
Next thing I knew, he's already talked to his significant other and is trying to schedule coffee to talk it over. He had not heard a word I said. It was all still about them. I gave up.
At first walking away from my friend was painful and confusing. Then, over time I found it empowering. I was basking in the energy of taking control of my life. I was wiping the slate clean and viewing my environment with new eyes.
I saw who were friends. I knew who meant me nothing good. I could also identify friends that just were NOT healthy for my happiness and sanity.
So, here I sit with fewer "friends" and only a glint of sadness for the loss. I am okay with quality over quantity. I am now being a friend to myself, just as I would everyone else. It's new and exhilarating. I am proud that I can rely on myself instead of depressed because no one is there for me. It feels really good. :)
Friday, July 12, 2013
Threads Vs Strings
A thread is a strong material that holds fabric together and makes things look nice. A string is something you cut off because it isn't serving a purpose other than providing the illusion of security.
All my past dates and relationships have trained me to expect disaster. I think over the years, I may have been changing and lowering my expectations for fear that I was expecting too much. That evolved into accepting a lot of things that I shouldn't have accepted.
Now, over the past 6 months I have been working on improving myself from the inside out, to be healthier and happier. It started with letting go of negative people that hindered my progress. Then, stopped sacrificing all I had to play a martyr in other people's lives. Then, because I couldn't figure out why my relationships weren't working...I made a vow to myself that I wouldn't get into another one until I met someone that I couldn't NOT be in a relationship with.
This attitude brought about...contentment in a way that some people could not understand. I was okay being alone, ecstatic if anyone wanted to spend time with me (as a friend or whatever), and found myself looking for less things outside of me.
The relationship I'm in now doesn't define that contentment and happiness. It just enhances it. I would be sad if it didn't work out, but would not be devastated to the point of self-destruction. He encourages this new path I am on...to enjoy life, stop worrying and stop being afraid.
I was diagnosed (unofficially) with Reactive Attachment Disorder. I think I may have come close to overcoming it.
All my past dates and relationships have trained me to expect disaster. I think over the years, I may have been changing and lowering my expectations for fear that I was expecting too much. That evolved into accepting a lot of things that I shouldn't have accepted.
Now, over the past 6 months I have been working on improving myself from the inside out, to be healthier and happier. It started with letting go of negative people that hindered my progress. Then, stopped sacrificing all I had to play a martyr in other people's lives. Then, because I couldn't figure out why my relationships weren't working...I made a vow to myself that I wouldn't get into another one until I met someone that I couldn't NOT be in a relationship with.
This attitude brought about...contentment in a way that some people could not understand. I was okay being alone, ecstatic if anyone wanted to spend time with me (as a friend or whatever), and found myself looking for less things outside of me.
The relationship I'm in now doesn't define that contentment and happiness. It just enhances it. I would be sad if it didn't work out, but would not be devastated to the point of self-destruction. He encourages this new path I am on...to enjoy life, stop worrying and stop being afraid.
I was diagnosed (unofficially) with Reactive Attachment Disorder. I think I may have come close to overcoming it.
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
This Day
I want to remember this day and this moment.
I've got a job so good where people are looking out for me and not stepping on me to reach the top.
When life sucks I want to remember that it CAN feel like today.
I've got a guy that treats me so good that sometimes I cry because; my exes almost had me believing that I was wrong about how a person in a relationship could be treated and because I wonder if I deserve him.
I want to have a day like today to look back on when I've been shut out by my "friends" and "family"
I've got a roommate that has been like a dad to me and a number of women who have been like mothers to me.
When I think of my tragic past, I want to remember that it wasn't all bad.
Kevin and my summer romance under the stars with lightning bugs and laughs surrounding us. There was no "rest of the world"...just us.
I want something else to look at other than miserable faces and judging eyes.
A group of knuckleheads putting on Aladdin and generating joy, respect, and silliness behind the scenes and memories on stage...made me realize how much fun theatre can be.
This page is strictly for me to remember...for every 5 bad things I remember, there is 1 good thing...but it is soooo good that the scales will tip in its favor.
I've got a job so good where people are looking out for me and not stepping on me to reach the top.
When life sucks I want to remember that it CAN feel like today.
I've got a guy that treats me so good that sometimes I cry because; my exes almost had me believing that I was wrong about how a person in a relationship could be treated and because I wonder if I deserve him.
I want to have a day like today to look back on when I've been shut out by my "friends" and "family"
I've got a roommate that has been like a dad to me and a number of women who have been like mothers to me.
When I think of my tragic past, I want to remember that it wasn't all bad.
Kevin and my summer romance under the stars with lightning bugs and laughs surrounding us. There was no "rest of the world"...just us.
I want something else to look at other than miserable faces and judging eyes.
A group of knuckleheads putting on Aladdin and generating joy, respect, and silliness behind the scenes and memories on stage...made me realize how much fun theatre can be.
This page is strictly for me to remember...for every 5 bad things I remember, there is 1 good thing...but it is soooo good that the scales will tip in its favor.
Monday, July 1, 2013
The Blog You Don't Want To Read
There's a part of some of you that don't want to read this...but find a quiet moment, away from prying eyes and you'll never have to admit that you read it.
I loved you, dear reader, before I knew you.
Two parents, church every Sunday, pets, family reunions...I was a Texas kid in a black family.
Physical abuse, emotional abuse, murder, and more...I was a teen in a time of turmoil.
I never used that as an excuse to release my faith or rules my parents taught me. I had zero shame for my virginity. Never craved to fit in...not enough to pick up a bottle, light a cigarette, or swear in an effort to prove maturity. I...was good...not perfect...but good. This little Texas boy prayed for the world, cried when it was hurting, and sacrificed his sanity time and time again for people that would never lay eyes on him.
My moral compass was mine. I did not use it to plot out anyone else's course in life but my own and I used it. I challenge anyone to find a kid in my school that not only had a belief as solid as mine, but who also used it when there was a fork in the road of my life...again...not a perfect child.
I kept it together through the complete destruction of my family. Other than abandoning them at 15 when my shoulders were too weak to carry any more...I remained on a road of strength through innocence, certain that I was meant to somehow make the world a better place...because...I loved you and the world that you take for granted.
Now in adult form... I witness some who sit in thrones and dare to feel they have the right to tell me that I should reject what makes my heart happy. I have been in love and have been in lust and I profess that I believe to know the difference now. After all I've been through, I deserve happiness where I can find it...like you... as long as I am not robbing someone else of that same feeling.
I'm saddened when family and friends, who have cheated on their significant others (among other acts), are uncomfortable with where I find monogamous happiness. Criminals with dirty hands from theft, molestation, murder, and more commit the crime of unbalanced hypocrisy by giving me a foul look because of feelings I cannot control (this from people who use sex as trade and violence). Color me sickened when some fat b*tch sitting on the sofa, smoking and ignoring her kids until it is time to go pick up her welfare check, claims that somehow I have less rights than her because she manages to remember what a bible is upon her convenience. Equally shattering is a financial show-off, wrapped in clothes like a straight jacket marching through life deciding who is worthy of his love and assistance, who wants to glare at me because I am not all the things they think I should be without even knowing my name.
There was a little mixed race boy that once loved them...prayed for them.
Pages of a book are waved in my face. It is a book that they may have read until it knows them by heart, yet they don't know it at all. If they did, those pages would be their comfort in dealing with me. Their hearts would be in such motion that their tongues would lay still. Then, it would not lash out at innocent and not-so innocent people leaving wounds on our souls.
When they issue loveless ridicule for the things I do and say, they hurt my family, my friends, my nephews. They also teach their children to whip their tongues out as fast as they would a gun, hurting people just as bad. How could you manage to make a positive world for your kids if you say such negative things?
If there are people that think hearing Sunday morning sermons gives them a free pass to play moral sheriff in my world, they are in for a cruel eviction. There are many like me that have survived a cruel and unforgiving world without any hang ups worth mentioning or more importantly, without any help from "those" people. They weren't there to protect my mother, to protect me, to protect my family...I certainly don't need their unloving banter now.
If gays get full legal rights to marry, and they will, those people will only be upset because they lost...not because God has somehow been betrayed by the country. Because those people never gave God a thought when they opened their mouths. This country was never founded on Christianity to begin with. The founding fathers created a country where religious freedom (that means freedom from any specific religion) was one of the building blocks. If HE was so angry at people that he wanted vengeance, he would have issued that out the moment "United States of America" was uttered.
If homosexuality (as we define it now) is indeed a sin, homosexuals will deal with God on that...not you. Being my age without a criminal history or addiction, I think I'll find more solace in a loving relationship than in your approval. But in the deepest regions of my heart, where that little boy in Texas still holds a moral compass...I don't believe it is. Because the love I have felt has been as warm as hugging the sun and as cooling as snuggling the moon...that kind of feeling can't come from a bad place.
(to be concluded)
I loved you, dear reader, before I knew you.
Two parents, church every Sunday, pets, family reunions...I was a Texas kid in a black family.
Physical abuse, emotional abuse, murder, and more...I was a teen in a time of turmoil.
I never used that as an excuse to release my faith or rules my parents taught me. I had zero shame for my virginity. Never craved to fit in...not enough to pick up a bottle, light a cigarette, or swear in an effort to prove maturity. I...was good...not perfect...but good. This little Texas boy prayed for the world, cried when it was hurting, and sacrificed his sanity time and time again for people that would never lay eyes on him.
My moral compass was mine. I did not use it to plot out anyone else's course in life but my own and I used it. I challenge anyone to find a kid in my school that not only had a belief as solid as mine, but who also used it when there was a fork in the road of my life...again...not a perfect child.
I kept it together through the complete destruction of my family. Other than abandoning them at 15 when my shoulders were too weak to carry any more...I remained on a road of strength through innocence, certain that I was meant to somehow make the world a better place...because...I loved you and the world that you take for granted.
Now in adult form... I witness some who sit in thrones and dare to feel they have the right to tell me that I should reject what makes my heart happy. I have been in love and have been in lust and I profess that I believe to know the difference now. After all I've been through, I deserve happiness where I can find it...like you... as long as I am not robbing someone else of that same feeling.
I'm saddened when family and friends, who have cheated on their significant others (among other acts), are uncomfortable with where I find monogamous happiness. Criminals with dirty hands from theft, molestation, murder, and more commit the crime of unbalanced hypocrisy by giving me a foul look because of feelings I cannot control (this from people who use sex as trade and violence). Color me sickened when some fat b*tch sitting on the sofa, smoking and ignoring her kids until it is time to go pick up her welfare check, claims that somehow I have less rights than her because she manages to remember what a bible is upon her convenience. Equally shattering is a financial show-off, wrapped in clothes like a straight jacket marching through life deciding who is worthy of his love and assistance, who wants to glare at me because I am not all the things they think I should be without even knowing my name.
There was a little mixed race boy that once loved them...prayed for them.
Pages of a book are waved in my face. It is a book that they may have read until it knows them by heart, yet they don't know it at all. If they did, those pages would be their comfort in dealing with me. Their hearts would be in such motion that their tongues would lay still. Then, it would not lash out at innocent and not-so innocent people leaving wounds on our souls.
When they issue loveless ridicule for the things I do and say, they hurt my family, my friends, my nephews. They also teach their children to whip their tongues out as fast as they would a gun, hurting people just as bad. How could you manage to make a positive world for your kids if you say such negative things?
If there are people that think hearing Sunday morning sermons gives them a free pass to play moral sheriff in my world, they are in for a cruel eviction. There are many like me that have survived a cruel and unforgiving world without any hang ups worth mentioning or more importantly, without any help from "those" people. They weren't there to protect my mother, to protect me, to protect my family...I certainly don't need their unloving banter now.
If gays get full legal rights to marry, and they will, those people will only be upset because they lost...not because God has somehow been betrayed by the country. Because those people never gave God a thought when they opened their mouths. This country was never founded on Christianity to begin with. The founding fathers created a country where religious freedom (that means freedom from any specific religion) was one of the building blocks. If HE was so angry at people that he wanted vengeance, he would have issued that out the moment "United States of America" was uttered.
If homosexuality (as we define it now) is indeed a sin, homosexuals will deal with God on that...not you. Being my age without a criminal history or addiction, I think I'll find more solace in a loving relationship than in your approval. But in the deepest regions of my heart, where that little boy in Texas still holds a moral compass...I don't believe it is. Because the love I have felt has been as warm as hugging the sun and as cooling as snuggling the moon...that kind of feeling can't come from a bad place.
(to be concluded)
Care Bear Stare Revisited
I could never be one of those people that generously uses the term "I don't care" in situations where I have been treated poorly...and lord knows I have been treated poorly.
I will say that when someone thinks a certain way about me or says something negative about me...I will weigh that opinion heavily for a little bit. If it is something I agree with, I try to change that behavior. If I feel they are mistaken, I simply press on without giving them much more of my time.
Part of what I consider is where this opinion is coming from. Are they sharing this opinion out of genuine concern for me or that I sincerely hurt their feelings? Maybe it is more because they don't like something I did or said to them personally so they will develop whatever perception they want of me in an effort to get others not to like me.
If I feel it falls in the first category, then I cannot be mad at anyone but myself. If it is more the second one, then I allow myself to get upset for about 2 minutes. After that, it is time to move on.
I do care what people think of me because I feel we are often not as aware of our own behavior as everyone else is. However, if they are doing it because they are just malicious, I care that they are doing it, but there is probably no response or reaction I could produce that would change their hearts.
I consider myself easy to get along with, hard to stay friends with, and almost impossible to be a "bff" to anyone. I seem to have this ability that many others don't have...It's where I don't want to be friends with someone but still treat them like a human being. Why? Because I care about what others think of me and I care about what "I" think of me, too.
"I don't care" is used too much as a defense mechanism, when really it means "It hurts too much to deal with." Using it too much causes you to honestly not care...about anything. At that point, what good are you to the world or even to yourself.
I urge anyone reading this to limit (if not omit) the phrase from their vocabulary.
I will say that when someone thinks a certain way about me or says something negative about me...I will weigh that opinion heavily for a little bit. If it is something I agree with, I try to change that behavior. If I feel they are mistaken, I simply press on without giving them much more of my time.
Part of what I consider is where this opinion is coming from. Are they sharing this opinion out of genuine concern for me or that I sincerely hurt their feelings? Maybe it is more because they don't like something I did or said to them personally so they will develop whatever perception they want of me in an effort to get others not to like me.
If I feel it falls in the first category, then I cannot be mad at anyone but myself. If it is more the second one, then I allow myself to get upset for about 2 minutes. After that, it is time to move on.
I do care what people think of me because I feel we are often not as aware of our own behavior as everyone else is. However, if they are doing it because they are just malicious, I care that they are doing it, but there is probably no response or reaction I could produce that would change their hearts.
I consider myself easy to get along with, hard to stay friends with, and almost impossible to be a "bff" to anyone. I seem to have this ability that many others don't have...It's where I don't want to be friends with someone but still treat them like a human being. Why? Because I care about what others think of me and I care about what "I" think of me, too.
"I don't care" is used too much as a defense mechanism, when really it means "It hurts too much to deal with." Using it too much causes you to honestly not care...about anything. At that point, what good are you to the world or even to yourself.
I urge anyone reading this to limit (if not omit) the phrase from their vocabulary.
World War Z
Here is my review and inner dialogue for the zombie flick World War Z, starring Brad Pitt. I got to watch the film in Wichita, KS during my first trip to a drive-in theatre.
(Please keep in mind that I was on a date that went very well, and World War Z was the first movie of a triple feature)
Review: It was good.
The date or the movie?
Review: Both.
Tell the readers about it.
Review: That's private?
The movie was private?
Review: No, details of my date.
Tell the readers about World War Z.
Review: Ummm...let's see...Brad Pitt was in it.
In your date?
Review: In the movie, dumb@ss. Believe it or not, I would not have wanted Brad Pitt to interrupt my date. It was that good.
I heard it took three years.
Review: My date?
The movie.
Review: Oh, well...the quality seemed pretty high. So, I can see that. The date was high-quality, but it didn't take three years.
Did your date like it?
Review: I think he did. We actually didn't talk about it much. It was high energy from the start.
Your date or the movie?
Review: Both.
Back to the movie.
Review: Well, I would just like to say that the movie was about a bunch of sick and angry people who chased Brad Pitt down to get their money back after watching World War Z. I would LIKE to say that, but the movie was actually pretty good.
A glowing review?
Review: Not glowing. Keep in mind that I was a bit disoriented watching a movie on a drive-in screen for the first time and had to also get accustomed to the sound...plus I missed some parts here and there due to my date.
Was the lech getting handsy?
Review: No, no! He was the epitomy of a gentleman. But an occasional glance was exchanged or a discussion of getting me snacks or checking my comfort, so I missed a spot here and there.
Sounds golden.
Review: I wouldn't say golden...or glowing. It was just...good.
Wait I thought you said it was great?
Review: Wait, you're talking about the date now?
Sorry, yes...
Review: I got a few jumps...from the movie...not the date. I was quite comfortable in the date.
So, this blog has had little to do with World War Z review.
Review: I know...I'm sorry. I will say this...the CGI was appropriately used and done well. The acting and the story seemed solid. I feel compelled to watch it again to see what I missed.
I guess that is something.
Review: I also wouldn't mind another date...you know...to see what I missed.
What were the other two movies?
Review: Man of Steel and Fast and the Furious Six (or Six Fast Six Furious...or Fast-urious 6...I refuse to call it FF6 due to my extreme devotion to the Final Fantasy franchise and my game geek friends would probably not appreciate it...especially when it comes to Final Fantasy 6)
Final Fantasy 6 is that good, huh?
Review: Oh, man...it is probably still the one of the best installments. Great villain, great story, great characters and a earth shattering surprise halfway through the game. ;) Squaresoft really did start off better than they should have...now it is hard to top themselves.
You know...you've given a better review of an old super nintendo game than you have of World War Z.
Review: I know. I'm sorry.
It's okay. If you watch World War Z again and have a different opinion, will you share?
Review: Yes, and I promise there will be no talk about the date.
Conclusion: World War Z, probably worth the watch. Who will go with me to watch it again?
(Please keep in mind that I was on a date that went very well, and World War Z was the first movie of a triple feature)
Review: It was good.
The date or the movie?
Review: Both.
Tell the readers about it.
Review: That's private?
The movie was private?
Review: No, details of my date.
Tell the readers about World War Z.
Review: Ummm...let's see...Brad Pitt was in it.
In your date?
Review: In the movie, dumb@ss. Believe it or not, I would not have wanted Brad Pitt to interrupt my date. It was that good.
I heard it took three years.
Review: My date?
The movie.
Review: Oh, well...the quality seemed pretty high. So, I can see that. The date was high-quality, but it didn't take three years.
Did your date like it?
Review: I think he did. We actually didn't talk about it much. It was high energy from the start.
Your date or the movie?
Review: Both.
Back to the movie.
Review: Well, I would just like to say that the movie was about a bunch of sick and angry people who chased Brad Pitt down to get their money back after watching World War Z. I would LIKE to say that, but the movie was actually pretty good.
A glowing review?
Review: Not glowing. Keep in mind that I was a bit disoriented watching a movie on a drive-in screen for the first time and had to also get accustomed to the sound...plus I missed some parts here and there due to my date.
Was the lech getting handsy?
Review: No, no! He was the epitomy of a gentleman. But an occasional glance was exchanged or a discussion of getting me snacks or checking my comfort, so I missed a spot here and there.
Sounds golden.
Review: I wouldn't say golden...or glowing. It was just...good.
Wait I thought you said it was great?
Review: Wait, you're talking about the date now?
Sorry, yes...
Review: I got a few jumps...from the movie...not the date. I was quite comfortable in the date.
So, this blog has had little to do with World War Z review.
Review: I know...I'm sorry. I will say this...the CGI was appropriately used and done well. The acting and the story seemed solid. I feel compelled to watch it again to see what I missed.
I guess that is something.
Review: I also wouldn't mind another date...you know...to see what I missed.
What were the other two movies?
Review: Man of Steel and Fast and the Furious Six (or Six Fast Six Furious...or Fast-urious 6...I refuse to call it FF6 due to my extreme devotion to the Final Fantasy franchise and my game geek friends would probably not appreciate it...especially when it comes to Final Fantasy 6)
Final Fantasy 6 is that good, huh?
Review: Oh, man...it is probably still the one of the best installments. Great villain, great story, great characters and a earth shattering surprise halfway through the game. ;) Squaresoft really did start off better than they should have...now it is hard to top themselves.
You know...you've given a better review of an old super nintendo game than you have of World War Z.
Review: I know. I'm sorry.
It's okay. If you watch World War Z again and have a different opinion, will you share?
Review: Yes, and I promise there will be no talk about the date.
Conclusion: World War Z, probably worth the watch. Who will go with me to watch it again?
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Southern Fried Racism
Paula Deen...Paula Deen...Your frighteningly white teeth and butter-drenched cooking have put you in the spotlight. I am now going to give my thoughts on the recent scandal regarding Paula Deen's use of the word "n*gger" and her attitude towards black people. Then, I'm going to review the common thoughts I've heard in response to the "news"
Paula Deen is a plump little, glazed-eyed, grinning, southern dough-puncher that I once used pictures of to unnerve my co-worker with. Now, she's managed to stir up a heap of haters due to her using the "n-word" among other things.
Story goes; Over 20 years ago(which I have yet to see where she said when this took place), Deen announced at a party that she would love to throw a plantation party, complete with blacks dressed in black shorts and long sleeved white coats like they did in the old movies. Uh-huh. She claims that she doesn't remember using that word beyond one time to describe the people that held her at gunpoint during a robbery, but it is possible she's used it before.
Opinion: I'm disturbed by anyone, even at her age, that does not remember if they've used that word more than once. It's not a socially acceptable word for the most part so it isn't like trying to remember if you've said "sofa" instead of "couch". Despite how long ago it was or whether she feels that way or not, having the notion of nothing but black servants is repulsive.
Is her use of the word forgivable?
Sure it is. A drag queen recently got attacked by two black thuggish women. He was bloodied and bruised. Of course he was in shock and he referred to them as "n*ggers" at the time of the incident. I think with the adrienaline running, it was understandable that the most negative word could slip out of his...her...his...her...mouth. Girl...you got beaten. You forgiven. Besides, they were behaving like what you called them.
Everyone that asks for an apology should be given another chance and there is no reason to believe she did not mean it.
Should FOOD NETWORK have fired her?
Hard to say. If they did nothing, then a lot of people might have accused them of condoning racism. By firing her, a lot of people felt they overreacted to something that happened a long time ago. As a friend of mine said "Is there a statute of limitation on racial slurs?" Only if the person is now enlightened.
I say...don't fire her. Just reduce how many times she's on a week. Afterall, there were NO reports of her ever using the word "n*gger" at work. At almost any other job, what you do in your own time in your own home is your own business. She would most likely never have gotten fired.
POPULAR COMMENTS:
1. It was 27 years ago.
So, if I called you a f*ggot or a disease-ridden b*tch today, but you didn't find out about it until 10 years from now, would you be upset at all?
2. Every white person has used that word or thought it about a black person.
No, they haven't. Sit down and shut up. I have white friends that were around racism and they saw the ugliness that came with it so they don't use it. I have black friends that appreciate black history enough not to use the word (or the variation of "n*gga") in their speech. So unless you've made a life mission of compiling a report that shows EVERY white person has used that word...I need you to stop using such a generalized statement. It's ignorant.
3. I support Paula Deen
I don't know that declaring you support Paula Deen is really wise. Maybe you don't think she should have been fired. Maybe you enjoy her fattening confections. But saying you Support Paula Deen like she's Nelson Mandela is not only an overreaction, but it makes it sound like you support her use of the word.
4. But Black People Use It All The Time
Not all black people use the word "n*gger" (see #2). Those that do, no matter how much they try to justify it, are wrong. "It's our word" No, it's what you get called when a racist is beating you with a whip to make you pick cotton faster. I don't care what kind of street flavor you try to mix in with it, it is still the same word that carries with it the harsh history of your ancestors. Martin Luther King and Malcolm X would be disgusted by the flippant use of the word. And instead of saying the word and getting upset with how, who, or why someone else said it...let's just all agree to stop using it. With all of that said, non-black people...someone else being stupid doesn't give you the right to be stupid. I think it is a survivable sacrifice to stop using that word for the sake of peace and junk.
Now, I won't lie. I laugh when it is used in certain types of humor. I don't know if it is right or wrong, but it is usually coming from a multi-racial group of people delivering the jokes. Example: the racist McDonald's commercial on youtube.
5. "N*gger" can apply to any race by definition.
Yes, it can.
6. There will always be racism. There is nothing we can do about it. That's just the way life is.
Saying "That's the way life is" is part of the reason life is the way it is. Do you honestly think that blacks got the right to live and work anywhere because they said "Well, this is just how life is." Did women get the right to vote because they said "Meh, that's just how things are."? Things are not the way they were 10-50 years ago because someone said "I'm going to try and change things". It is just a cop-out response to people who would rather not put for the effort. Why don't you just say "I don't want to work at making the world a better place."? It carries the same attitude and is more accurate. If you don't believe that things can change...then they won't. If you don't believe things can change, then you are part of the problem. You have the power to influence your environment and you choosing to accept the bad things in the world makes you a liability instead of part of the solution. Even if you believe that things are just going to be how they are, keep it to yourself. You don't need to be the obstacle for someone else who's trying to do something.
7. We all say things we shouldn't.
Well, we do less of it as we mature. Stop doing it and you won't have people bringing up stupid stuff you did 25 years ago. Besides, we might all say things we shouldn't but most of us know which things are crossing the line.
A majority of the white supporters need to realize they couldn't understand what the word "n*gger" means to a lot of black people...the pain that is attached. So don't try to defend the actions too much.
A majority of the black non-supporters need to realize that people do change but only if we let them. Taking her job and continuing to bash her will not make her a better person. Let her have her job. If you don't like her...don't watch her.
REVIEW: Racism (or hate of a group of any kind) needs to be fought with the opposite thing. Acceptance. She's not Satan. She said a bad word...we will live. Give her a chance and then get over it...you, nigg...oh, wait...yeah...can't say that word.
Paula Deen is a plump little, glazed-eyed, grinning, southern dough-puncher that I once used pictures of to unnerve my co-worker with. Now, she's managed to stir up a heap of haters due to her using the "n-word" among other things.
Story goes; Over 20 years ago(which I have yet to see where she said when this took place), Deen announced at a party that she would love to throw a plantation party, complete with blacks dressed in black shorts and long sleeved white coats like they did in the old movies. Uh-huh. She claims that she doesn't remember using that word beyond one time to describe the people that held her at gunpoint during a robbery, but it is possible she's used it before.
Opinion: I'm disturbed by anyone, even at her age, that does not remember if they've used that word more than once. It's not a socially acceptable word for the most part so it isn't like trying to remember if you've said "sofa" instead of "couch". Despite how long ago it was or whether she feels that way or not, having the notion of nothing but black servants is repulsive.
Is her use of the word forgivable?
Sure it is. A drag queen recently got attacked by two black thuggish women. He was bloodied and bruised. Of course he was in shock and he referred to them as "n*ggers" at the time of the incident. I think with the adrienaline running, it was understandable that the most negative word could slip out of his...her...his...her...mouth. Girl...you got beaten. You forgiven. Besides, they were behaving like what you called them.
Everyone that asks for an apology should be given another chance and there is no reason to believe she did not mean it.
Should FOOD NETWORK have fired her?
Hard to say. If they did nothing, then a lot of people might have accused them of condoning racism. By firing her, a lot of people felt they overreacted to something that happened a long time ago. As a friend of mine said "Is there a statute of limitation on racial slurs?" Only if the person is now enlightened.
I say...don't fire her. Just reduce how many times she's on a week. Afterall, there were NO reports of her ever using the word "n*gger" at work. At almost any other job, what you do in your own time in your own home is your own business. She would most likely never have gotten fired.
POPULAR COMMENTS:
1. It was 27 years ago.
So, if I called you a f*ggot or a disease-ridden b*tch today, but you didn't find out about it until 10 years from now, would you be upset at all?
2. Every white person has used that word or thought it about a black person.
No, they haven't. Sit down and shut up. I have white friends that were around racism and they saw the ugliness that came with it so they don't use it. I have black friends that appreciate black history enough not to use the word (or the variation of "n*gga") in their speech. So unless you've made a life mission of compiling a report that shows EVERY white person has used that word...I need you to stop using such a generalized statement. It's ignorant.
3. I support Paula Deen
I don't know that declaring you support Paula Deen is really wise. Maybe you don't think she should have been fired. Maybe you enjoy her fattening confections. But saying you Support Paula Deen like she's Nelson Mandela is not only an overreaction, but it makes it sound like you support her use of the word.
4. But Black People Use It All The Time
Not all black people use the word "n*gger" (see #2). Those that do, no matter how much they try to justify it, are wrong. "It's our word" No, it's what you get called when a racist is beating you with a whip to make you pick cotton faster. I don't care what kind of street flavor you try to mix in with it, it is still the same word that carries with it the harsh history of your ancestors. Martin Luther King and Malcolm X would be disgusted by the flippant use of the word. And instead of saying the word and getting upset with how, who, or why someone else said it...let's just all agree to stop using it. With all of that said, non-black people...someone else being stupid doesn't give you the right to be stupid. I think it is a survivable sacrifice to stop using that word for the sake of peace and junk.
Now, I won't lie. I laugh when it is used in certain types of humor. I don't know if it is right or wrong, but it is usually coming from a multi-racial group of people delivering the jokes. Example: the racist McDonald's commercial on youtube.
5. "N*gger" can apply to any race by definition.
Yes, it can.
6. There will always be racism. There is nothing we can do about it. That's just the way life is.
Saying "That's the way life is" is part of the reason life is the way it is. Do you honestly think that blacks got the right to live and work anywhere because they said "Well, this is just how life is." Did women get the right to vote because they said "Meh, that's just how things are."? Things are not the way they were 10-50 years ago because someone said "I'm going to try and change things". It is just a cop-out response to people who would rather not put for the effort. Why don't you just say "I don't want to work at making the world a better place."? It carries the same attitude and is more accurate. If you don't believe that things can change...then they won't. If you don't believe things can change, then you are part of the problem. You have the power to influence your environment and you choosing to accept the bad things in the world makes you a liability instead of part of the solution. Even if you believe that things are just going to be how they are, keep it to yourself. You don't need to be the obstacle for someone else who's trying to do something.
7. We all say things we shouldn't.
Well, we do less of it as we mature. Stop doing it and you won't have people bringing up stupid stuff you did 25 years ago. Besides, we might all say things we shouldn't but most of us know which things are crossing the line.
A majority of the white supporters need to realize they couldn't understand what the word "n*gger" means to a lot of black people...the pain that is attached. So don't try to defend the actions too much.
A majority of the black non-supporters need to realize that people do change but only if we let them. Taking her job and continuing to bash her will not make her a better person. Let her have her job. If you don't like her...don't watch her.
REVIEW: Racism (or hate of a group of any kind) needs to be fought with the opposite thing. Acceptance. She's not Satan. She said a bad word...we will live. Give her a chance and then get over it...you, nigg...oh, wait...yeah...can't say that word.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Man of Foil
SPOILER ALERT - This blog may contain spoilers regarding my take on the new movie, Man of Steel, which I watched with my good buddy, Daniel.
Short review: Man of Steel began as a good idea (with a hot actor) and ended as a good idea(...you know...with a hot actor).
Long review: The planet Krypton had never been so fully realized on screen as it had been in this incarnation of the Superman legend. The creativity was overflowing in the "design" department. I saw more original concepts through out the first chapter of the tale than I had seen in all of last summers blockbusters.
From the moment we jump into the present, the sexy lead stumbles around a poorly executed story about destiny and preservation of races. I was never bored as I always had some sort of destruction or Clark Kent's body to look at.
I will say that he was a perfect choice for the all-American hero. His well meaning eyes balanced with that chiseled jaw were perfect. I'm not sure if he was a weak actor or if it was just the material, but I was never fully convinced by his reactions to things. He met his real father: nothing. Walked around an entire Metropolis that he and Zod destroyed; nothing. Dealt with me ogling him for almost 2 1/2 hours; nothing. WHY WON'T YOU LOOK AT ME, HENRY CAVILL?!?
Ahem, anyway. Amy Adams, who I adore, was not the sassy reporter I would have expected out of my Lois Lane. That cutesy voice made me think she was writing for Smallville High's school paper. I have always pictured Lois being a fearless, strong-backed woman. Adams was too...sweet.
There were a lot of holes and questions that remained by the time the end credits rolled. Why did no one report Clark Kent being on fire at the oil rig? Why was his dad's consciousness able to visit him but his mother's wasn't? Why didn't Zod's two henchmen kill or take Clark's mom, while Zod and Clark were fighting? How did Zod, the machines, and the fighting do ALL that damage but there wasn't a dead body to be seen? I mean...how big is Metropolis that they brought down 20 buildings and were able to rebuild by the end of the movie? And why won't Henry Cavill call me?
All this criticism makes it sound as if I did not enjoy the movie. I did. You just want to leave your thinking cap off. I will say that the CGI was some of the best I've seen and Diane Lane was entertaining as Momma Kent. There was some good cinematography and a wonderful last line by Amy Adams that I won't give away. Let's just say that if the rest of the script had been as clever, I would have given it higher regards.
Short review: Man of Steel began as a good idea (with a hot actor) and ended as a good idea(...you know...with a hot actor).
Long review: The planet Krypton had never been so fully realized on screen as it had been in this incarnation of the Superman legend. The creativity was overflowing in the "design" department. I saw more original concepts through out the first chapter of the tale than I had seen in all of last summers blockbusters.
From the moment we jump into the present, the sexy lead stumbles around a poorly executed story about destiny and preservation of races. I was never bored as I always had some sort of destruction or Clark Kent's body to look at.
I will say that he was a perfect choice for the all-American hero. His well meaning eyes balanced with that chiseled jaw were perfect. I'm not sure if he was a weak actor or if it was just the material, but I was never fully convinced by his reactions to things. He met his real father: nothing. Walked around an entire Metropolis that he and Zod destroyed; nothing. Dealt with me ogling him for almost 2 1/2 hours; nothing. WHY WON'T YOU LOOK AT ME, HENRY CAVILL?!?
Ahem, anyway. Amy Adams, who I adore, was not the sassy reporter I would have expected out of my Lois Lane. That cutesy voice made me think she was writing for Smallville High's school paper. I have always pictured Lois being a fearless, strong-backed woman. Adams was too...sweet.
There were a lot of holes and questions that remained by the time the end credits rolled. Why did no one report Clark Kent being on fire at the oil rig? Why was his dad's consciousness able to visit him but his mother's wasn't? Why didn't Zod's two henchmen kill or take Clark's mom, while Zod and Clark were fighting? How did Zod, the machines, and the fighting do ALL that damage but there wasn't a dead body to be seen? I mean...how big is Metropolis that they brought down 20 buildings and were able to rebuild by the end of the movie? And why won't Henry Cavill call me?
All this criticism makes it sound as if I did not enjoy the movie. I did. You just want to leave your thinking cap off. I will say that the CGI was some of the best I've seen and Diane Lane was entertaining as Momma Kent. There was some good cinematography and a wonderful last line by Amy Adams that I won't give away. Let's just say that if the rest of the script had been as clever, I would have given it higher regards.
My Influences
In no particular order...these are the things and people that greatly influenced by life.
1. The great destruction of "Lil' Billy". If you didn't read my other blog that I had with my brothers and want the details, check this out. http://beatyboys3.blogspot.com/ For a run down; when I was 14 or 15, I found out I was adopted, that people had killed my real mother with intent to kill me and my brother, and that I had been hidden away in a small town and had my name changed to protect me. It was the single greatest explosion in my life that knocked me on a course that I could have never predicted.
2. My parents - the ones who raised me. What burdens they carried and sacrifices they made. At the same time, my mother never ever led me to believe I wasn't loved. Even after she was gone, I think that is what made me who I am at the core. I love them deeply and miss my momma, like you can't imagine. She also influenced my life because she died on Christmas morning when I was 15. It changed the way I celebrated and thought of holidays.
3. Darren Capps - my first love. Of course, I was also an 18-19 year old co-dependent child who saw someone I needed to "fix" but Darren was the first person when I left home, that I felt loved me.
4. God - Oh, boy...yeah, I remembered today how rock solid my belief in God was...always trying to please him, always calling on him, always writing to him. Even when my world fell apart as a teenager, I never doubted he was there. I wanted to be good for goodness sake...even as a child. I heard stories about "Jesus' return" and hoped that I was him. That's how "good" I wanted to be.
5. My nephews, Austin and Matthew - I love all my nieces and nephews...you have no idea. But Austin and Matthew had the greatest influence on my life because it was the first time outside of my brothers that I felt like I had family again. Seeing them smile made me smile. Feeling needed gave me a sense of self-worth. They made me really want to have kids of my own and they gave me a reason to keep going during a few dark times in my life.
6. Joseph - my adoption may have never seen the light of day and I might have not made it through the death of my parents without my brother, Joe. He's crass and can be a big old thug sometimes, but he's also like me in the most important ways. He analyzes things. He's passionate. He's creative. I'm an adult, but it still feels safer knowing I have a big brother out there. There are only one or two people I feel like cares for me the way my brother does. He's not perfect, but he's helped me grow as a person. He's awesome and I love him.
7. Bud - I would not be here without my roommate, mentor, and friend. He has flown across the US when I was in trouble. He listens to me ramble (though I can tell when he has tuned me out). He got me to celebrate the holidays, has put up with my nonsense/tantrums, gave me refuge when I thought I was cracking up...No one on this earth has done more for me as an adult than this guy.
8. Minnesota - I left for Minnesota to be there because I thought my younger brother needed me. I left my job, friends, and life to go help him get on his feet. Long story short? (You can read about it here also http://beatyboys3.blogspot.com/) Almost as soon as I arrived, my brother had gotten into a relationship and abandoned me in a strange city to fend for myself with no money, no friends, and no support. Add onto the fact that the week I got there, my father died in Texas and Christmas was around the corner (was still a hard time for me) and needless to say, depression was pummeling me like a Mortal Kombat character. However, in that depression and through that struggle...I found my independence. It was the moment I stopped being afraid of the world and realized how free of a person I was.
9. Moses - he was my pug. This may seem silly but when I was still trying to get out of my shell, I had Moses. He was the one constant thing in my life. He made me laugh. I'd snuggle with him when I was sad and dress him up like Della Reese. Seriously though...he taught me unconditional love, responsibility, and started my process of getting beyond my attachment issues. Thanks, Mo-mo.
10. Gaslight Theatre - good or bad, Gaslight theatre has had a major influence over me. Yes, it helped me realize all the skills I needed to work on and a place to do them, but it also helped me find the confidence and strength to understand relationships, friendships, and people. It was my training ground for finding inner peace among turmoil, build a better armor to deal with gossip, and sharpened my ability to take control of my own life. I walked away from the Gaslight understanding I needed less than I thought I did to be happy and content. My last play was a reward for all that I learned about people; good and bad.
What influenced you thus far?
1. The great destruction of "Lil' Billy". If you didn't read my other blog that I had with my brothers and want the details, check this out. http://beatyboys3.blogspot.com/ For a run down; when I was 14 or 15, I found out I was adopted, that people had killed my real mother with intent to kill me and my brother, and that I had been hidden away in a small town and had my name changed to protect me. It was the single greatest explosion in my life that knocked me on a course that I could have never predicted.
2. My parents - the ones who raised me. What burdens they carried and sacrifices they made. At the same time, my mother never ever led me to believe I wasn't loved. Even after she was gone, I think that is what made me who I am at the core. I love them deeply and miss my momma, like you can't imagine. She also influenced my life because she died on Christmas morning when I was 15. It changed the way I celebrated and thought of holidays.
3. Darren Capps - my first love. Of course, I was also an 18-19 year old co-dependent child who saw someone I needed to "fix" but Darren was the first person when I left home, that I felt loved me.
4. God - Oh, boy...yeah, I remembered today how rock solid my belief in God was...always trying to please him, always calling on him, always writing to him. Even when my world fell apart as a teenager, I never doubted he was there. I wanted to be good for goodness sake...even as a child. I heard stories about "Jesus' return" and hoped that I was him. That's how "good" I wanted to be.
5. My nephews, Austin and Matthew - I love all my nieces and nephews...you have no idea. But Austin and Matthew had the greatest influence on my life because it was the first time outside of my brothers that I felt like I had family again. Seeing them smile made me smile. Feeling needed gave me a sense of self-worth. They made me really want to have kids of my own and they gave me a reason to keep going during a few dark times in my life.
6. Joseph - my adoption may have never seen the light of day and I might have not made it through the death of my parents without my brother, Joe. He's crass and can be a big old thug sometimes, but he's also like me in the most important ways. He analyzes things. He's passionate. He's creative. I'm an adult, but it still feels safer knowing I have a big brother out there. There are only one or two people I feel like cares for me the way my brother does. He's not perfect, but he's helped me grow as a person. He's awesome and I love him.
7. Bud - I would not be here without my roommate, mentor, and friend. He has flown across the US when I was in trouble. He listens to me ramble (though I can tell when he has tuned me out). He got me to celebrate the holidays, has put up with my nonsense/tantrums, gave me refuge when I thought I was cracking up...No one on this earth has done more for me as an adult than this guy.
8. Minnesota - I left for Minnesota to be there because I thought my younger brother needed me. I left my job, friends, and life to go help him get on his feet. Long story short? (You can read about it here also http://beatyboys3.blogspot.com/) Almost as soon as I arrived, my brother had gotten into a relationship and abandoned me in a strange city to fend for myself with no money, no friends, and no support. Add onto the fact that the week I got there, my father died in Texas and Christmas was around the corner (was still a hard time for me) and needless to say, depression was pummeling me like a Mortal Kombat character. However, in that depression and through that struggle...I found my independence. It was the moment I stopped being afraid of the world and realized how free of a person I was.
9. Moses - he was my pug. This may seem silly but when I was still trying to get out of my shell, I had Moses. He was the one constant thing in my life. He made me laugh. I'd snuggle with him when I was sad and dress him up like Della Reese. Seriously though...he taught me unconditional love, responsibility, and started my process of getting beyond my attachment issues. Thanks, Mo-mo.
10. Gaslight Theatre - good or bad, Gaslight theatre has had a major influence over me. Yes, it helped me realize all the skills I needed to work on and a place to do them, but it also helped me find the confidence and strength to understand relationships, friendships, and people. It was my training ground for finding inner peace among turmoil, build a better armor to deal with gossip, and sharpened my ability to take control of my own life. I walked away from the Gaslight understanding I needed less than I thought I did to be happy and content. My last play was a reward for all that I learned about people; good and bad.
What influenced you thus far?
Biblical Proportions
Who wants peace?
Apparently not Christians or Atheists and very few that fall in between.
Lately, I've seen a lot of Christian bashing. For a long time, I've seen a lot of non-Christian bashing. Ladies! Ladies...please. Go back to your corners and let's think this through.
Christians, let's start with you. A lot of you have been rude, snobby, and pushy. Is that really a way to bring people to Christ? I worked at a horrible little office store once (I'll refrain from saying the name of the place with the "easy" button) and the worst customers I had were pastors. A younger couple, a pastor and his wife, who couldn't afford to return my smile or be understanding when we didn't have what they were looking for made my rude list. There was also a priest who looked like someone had peed in his oatmeal but he still ate it. From protesting protestants who thinks they should have a political voice to the bullying baptists who would sooner step over a bleeding drug addict than to actually help get them clean; Christianity embraces its failure to be Christian as if it were a badge of honor sometimes. I speak not of the Christians who make mistakes, we all do that...or even those who are trying to find their way. I'm talking about those that walk around as if they've been elected President of Heaven because they go to church 2 or 3 times a week.
Now, Atheist...your turn. You have EVERY right to go with your left brain and deny there is a God because you have not have enough proof to convince you otherwise. Supernatural affairs are supernatural because regular science does not fit. But just as they cannot prove there is a God, you cannot prove there isn't one. Sure, I get it. The bible is a roller coaster of conflicts and contradictions. The miracles stated inside have not proven to exist today. But where do you get off trying to destroy what others use to get through this difficult life? Scrubs had a marvelous episode where the nurse...oh, hell...see it for yourself...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mAtjs-JAtE You don't need to take away someone else's belief OR become the attacker in order to defend your non-belief. You're not different than the pushy Christians. Yes, you might feel oppressed and condemned, but even if you don't believe in God...you should believe in love. The things that come with love are patience and understanding...acceptance. The same things you want. Get over yourselves and stop trying to prove your intellect to the rest of the world.
Peace...you just have to want it more than you want to be right.
Review: Shut up and hug it out. Neither side is doing anything to hurt the other side and if you are, then stop it. If you're the one being hurt, say something about the hurt but leave the personal beliefs out of it. Because none of us knows anything FOR CERTAIN, so all of us could be wrong.
Apparently not Christians or Atheists and very few that fall in between.
Lately, I've seen a lot of Christian bashing. For a long time, I've seen a lot of non-Christian bashing. Ladies! Ladies...please. Go back to your corners and let's think this through.
Christians, let's start with you. A lot of you have been rude, snobby, and pushy. Is that really a way to bring people to Christ? I worked at a horrible little office store once (I'll refrain from saying the name of the place with the "easy" button) and the worst customers I had were pastors. A younger couple, a pastor and his wife, who couldn't afford to return my smile or be understanding when we didn't have what they were looking for made my rude list. There was also a priest who looked like someone had peed in his oatmeal but he still ate it. From protesting protestants who thinks they should have a political voice to the bullying baptists who would sooner step over a bleeding drug addict than to actually help get them clean; Christianity embraces its failure to be Christian as if it were a badge of honor sometimes. I speak not of the Christians who make mistakes, we all do that...or even those who are trying to find their way. I'm talking about those that walk around as if they've been elected President of Heaven because they go to church 2 or 3 times a week.
Now, Atheist...your turn. You have EVERY right to go with your left brain and deny there is a God because you have not have enough proof to convince you otherwise. Supernatural affairs are supernatural because regular science does not fit. But just as they cannot prove there is a God, you cannot prove there isn't one. Sure, I get it. The bible is a roller coaster of conflicts and contradictions. The miracles stated inside have not proven to exist today. But where do you get off trying to destroy what others use to get through this difficult life? Scrubs had a marvelous episode where the nurse...oh, hell...see it for yourself...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mAtjs-JAtE You don't need to take away someone else's belief OR become the attacker in order to defend your non-belief. You're not different than the pushy Christians. Yes, you might feel oppressed and condemned, but even if you don't believe in God...you should believe in love. The things that come with love are patience and understanding...acceptance. The same things you want. Get over yourselves and stop trying to prove your intellect to the rest of the world.
Peace...you just have to want it more than you want to be right.
Review: Shut up and hug it out. Neither side is doing anything to hurt the other side and if you are, then stop it. If you're the one being hurt, say something about the hurt but leave the personal beliefs out of it. Because none of us knows anything FOR CERTAIN, so all of us could be wrong.
War of Art
"It's a man's world" is a saying that should ring familiar with most of you, dear readers. If this holds any truth, that would explain why sports and war have cluttered up the garden of life; the arts. Art struggles in almost every location of America. It struggles to keep its place in the priorities of schools, family, and city government. Let's explore the world of creative arts and compare it to things like military, sports, and movies. In the end, maybe we will discover that paintings and theatre are indeed "manly" items that deserve a little more focus from the majority of the population.
First, I want to answer the question "Why are the arts always the first considered to be cut when funding issues arise?" I believe it is fair to say that art programs, whether school or individual, are one of the areas the powers that be look to cut when they need more money. Could it be because they obviously cannot see the overall big picture, the value of the arts, and the scale of impact? Certainly putting on a stage production of Steel Magnolias won't put food on the table, end a war, or cure cancer.
But the biggest epidemic is that it isn't considered "masculine" enough. Don't believe me? I wanted to take my nephews to the live theatre, maybe get them involved. One of them said that acting was for girls.
Really? I didn't realize that Bruce Willis, wrestler Dwayne Johnson, and Ice-T were women. Now, yes he is a little boy but if that is what he thinks now how will he appreciate and value that as an adult. He does not have to be an artist. In fact, his natural personality leans towards sports and it is obvious he loves it. Does that mean he can't go to an art museum or attend the symphony? Tell me a mature, stable, and worthy woman who does not appreciate a man who can scream at the Superbowl but also respect a Bazille painting.
So, I said that a play would not cure cancer and so forth. Let me take that back. The arts have been proven to stimulate the mind. From Beethoven for Babies cd's to the magic of a falling chandelier at Phantom of the Opera, the brain is exercised by these creations just like a workout strengthens the bi-ceps. Creativity is where true problem-solving skills come from. Say whaaaaa...? Yes, it does. Think about it.
If you were the man who studied art enough to be able to create those old "hidden image" posters, then you must be able to figure out ways around problems. If you can imagine an image that doesn't exist, then you can imagine a solution to a problem that seemingly doesn't exist. Sharp problem solving skills is what makes a good leader, a good project manager...be it a President or a fast food worker.
In the 90's, some pro-football players discovered the benefit of ballet...YES, I said BALLET! Stop questioning me!!! They realized that the strict and difficult lessons taught in that field of dance could be applied to movement on the field to not only reduce injury but make them better players.
The arts are not less masculine...they are masculinity with more finesse. It's masculinity with a dash of intelligence to go with it. Cavemen drew on walls for crying out loud! They didn't leave that for the women. Storytelling was part and is part of many cultures and men are as involved (if not more) than women.
Let me assure you, working a 40 hour job then spending 2-4 hours lifting heavy wooden platforms and furniture is not "easy." Memorizing almost a hundred pages of lines is not "easy." Taking a violin and creating a sound that makes people ready to fight or cry is a form of power. Ask an average stranger off the street to paint the voice of God...and only an artist would understand the request and produce an answer.
We should not be fighting in wars and having personal civil battles with our neighbors for the sake of "fighting." We should be at war to protect and preserve one of the things that separate us from barbarians and animals; our ability to make the world a better place to look at and listen to. Otherwise, when the dust settles from our war, we will be left with a depressing and ugly environment that has absolutely no value.
Picture that typical child or teen, dealing with the drama of hormones, heartbreaks, and responsibilities. They instinctively turn to poetry, painting, or photography to cope. They have usually not had the time or experience to know how to deal with a lot of things, but expressing that in a way that doesn't involve shooting up a school or running away from home has got to be encouraged. It's why I hate that schools, parents, and families over react to drawings that may be a little dark or morbid. I wrote things all the time that may have sounded mental, but once I wrote them those thoughts down I was usually over them. Jumping on their case and kicking them out of school over a drawing would most likely make a kid who is already feeling alone or mistreated even MORE alone and mistreated. Sure, it's a flag something is wrong but freaking out is adding fire to the fuel.
Art is the one place where opinion is appropriate and never wrong. People argue over politics and finances. Those things must be studied, facts must be gathered, and in those facts are solutions. People argue on these things because one side or the other is missing (or ignoring) facts making one side wrong. In true art, there is no wrong side.
Football serves its purpose. It instills the healthy competition (or it used to). War and fighting are unavoidable, but they should not be treated like a past time or the answer to every problem. They should protect that which cannot protect itself; which includes art.
The arts, however, need to be given as much attention as those things if not more. It's not men or women; it is people. Artistry the thing that makes a difference between Justin Beiber or One Direction and Mozart or Imogene Heap. It's the thing that connects us, regardless of all of our differences. It is a weapon that we can use against lack of education, anger management, lack of focus, broken families, confusion.
I once went to a small town red neck bar for karaoke and got the strangest looks. I hesitated but got up and sang. These blue collar men and women gave me a standing ovation. Art.
Christianity is quick to talk about "creation." The fact that God created everything and that men and women "created" (babies, arks, homes, furniture, fabrics, etc). If you believe that there is a God, creating something truly beautiful has got to be one of the "creations" he encouraged of man.
Civilizations used to know that art was the key to wealth. When countries were developing, the leaders knew they needed culture for their cities to have value. Art needs to be as mandatory as Spanish and treated as poignant as sports. This is how we can change America for the better. This is how we can get closer to a heaven on Earth.
First, I want to answer the question "Why are the arts always the first considered to be cut when funding issues arise?" I believe it is fair to say that art programs, whether school or individual, are one of the areas the powers that be look to cut when they need more money. Could it be because they obviously cannot see the overall big picture, the value of the arts, and the scale of impact? Certainly putting on a stage production of Steel Magnolias won't put food on the table, end a war, or cure cancer.
But the biggest epidemic is that it isn't considered "masculine" enough. Don't believe me? I wanted to take my nephews to the live theatre, maybe get them involved. One of them said that acting was for girls.
Really? I didn't realize that Bruce Willis, wrestler Dwayne Johnson, and Ice-T were women. Now, yes he is a little boy but if that is what he thinks now how will he appreciate and value that as an adult. He does not have to be an artist. In fact, his natural personality leans towards sports and it is obvious he loves it. Does that mean he can't go to an art museum or attend the symphony? Tell me a mature, stable, and worthy woman who does not appreciate a man who can scream at the Superbowl but also respect a Bazille painting.
So, I said that a play would not cure cancer and so forth. Let me take that back. The arts have been proven to stimulate the mind. From Beethoven for Babies cd's to the magic of a falling chandelier at Phantom of the Opera, the brain is exercised by these creations just like a workout strengthens the bi-ceps. Creativity is where true problem-solving skills come from. Say whaaaaa...? Yes, it does. Think about it.
If you were the man who studied art enough to be able to create those old "hidden image" posters, then you must be able to figure out ways around problems. If you can imagine an image that doesn't exist, then you can imagine a solution to a problem that seemingly doesn't exist. Sharp problem solving skills is what makes a good leader, a good project manager...be it a President or a fast food worker.
In the 90's, some pro-football players discovered the benefit of ballet...YES, I said BALLET! Stop questioning me!!! They realized that the strict and difficult lessons taught in that field of dance could be applied to movement on the field to not only reduce injury but make them better players.
The arts are not less masculine...they are masculinity with more finesse. It's masculinity with a dash of intelligence to go with it. Cavemen drew on walls for crying out loud! They didn't leave that for the women. Storytelling was part and is part of many cultures and men are as involved (if not more) than women.
Let me assure you, working a 40 hour job then spending 2-4 hours lifting heavy wooden platforms and furniture is not "easy." Memorizing almost a hundred pages of lines is not "easy." Taking a violin and creating a sound that makes people ready to fight or cry is a form of power. Ask an average stranger off the street to paint the voice of God...and only an artist would understand the request and produce an answer.
We should not be fighting in wars and having personal civil battles with our neighbors for the sake of "fighting." We should be at war to protect and preserve one of the things that separate us from barbarians and animals; our ability to make the world a better place to look at and listen to. Otherwise, when the dust settles from our war, we will be left with a depressing and ugly environment that has absolutely no value.
Picture that typical child or teen, dealing with the drama of hormones, heartbreaks, and responsibilities. They instinctively turn to poetry, painting, or photography to cope. They have usually not had the time or experience to know how to deal with a lot of things, but expressing that in a way that doesn't involve shooting up a school or running away from home has got to be encouraged. It's why I hate that schools, parents, and families over react to drawings that may be a little dark or morbid. I wrote things all the time that may have sounded mental, but once I wrote them those thoughts down I was usually over them. Jumping on their case and kicking them out of school over a drawing would most likely make a kid who is already feeling alone or mistreated even MORE alone and mistreated. Sure, it's a flag something is wrong but freaking out is adding fire to the fuel.
Art is the one place where opinion is appropriate and never wrong. People argue over politics and finances. Those things must be studied, facts must be gathered, and in those facts are solutions. People argue on these things because one side or the other is missing (or ignoring) facts making one side wrong. In true art, there is no wrong side.
Football serves its purpose. It instills the healthy competition (or it used to). War and fighting are unavoidable, but they should not be treated like a past time or the answer to every problem. They should protect that which cannot protect itself; which includes art.
The arts, however, need to be given as much attention as those things if not more. It's not men or women; it is people. Artistry the thing that makes a difference between Justin Beiber or One Direction and Mozart or Imogene Heap. It's the thing that connects us, regardless of all of our differences. It is a weapon that we can use against lack of education, anger management, lack of focus, broken families, confusion.
I once went to a small town red neck bar for karaoke and got the strangest looks. I hesitated but got up and sang. These blue collar men and women gave me a standing ovation. Art.
Christianity is quick to talk about "creation." The fact that God created everything and that men and women "created" (babies, arks, homes, furniture, fabrics, etc). If you believe that there is a God, creating something truly beautiful has got to be one of the "creations" he encouraged of man.
Civilizations used to know that art was the key to wealth. When countries were developing, the leaders knew they needed culture for their cities to have value. Art needs to be as mandatory as Spanish and treated as poignant as sports. This is how we can change America for the better. This is how we can get closer to a heaven on Earth.
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Lauren Hill, You Philisophical Whack Job!
Singer, Lauryn Hill, has a song called "Everything Is Everything". This entry is about how we look at the world and our own actions/behavior.
Most seemingly healthy (or confident) people seem to apply all the positive things to themselves when hearing general opinions. Then, if they hear something negative, they think of all the people they know that commit the act.
Example: "I can't stand liars. They are the worst kind of people"
Figment of my imagination, "Parker" reads that statement and thinks 'Oh, I agree with that. I've had this person lie to me and that person lie to me. I have no patience for liars."
Example2: "Patty Bo Batty helped all of those kids. She's so generous."
"Parker" reads that statement and thinks "I helped those kids, too. Why didn't I get any credit? People never remark on the good things I do."
Now, you might be surprised to find out that "Parker" just lied to his boss about how her new dress looks on her, to his best friend about why he can't help move furniture, and about farting in the elevator. So, Parker jumps on the bandwagon about liars, but he himself is a liar. Is Parker a bad person? No. Has Parker really taken time to think about his own behavior and how that statement might apply to him?
Example 2 might be more accurate if we added the fact that Parker also called one of his co-workers a b*tch behind her back. He also doesn't do any of the work he is supposed to do, but he does help the kids. Does his working with those kids really make up for him name-calling or allowing all of his co-workers to carry the rest of his load?
I say all this to say, as you read this (or any other written observation or advice), apply it to yourself first. Do YOU do these things or say these things? Can you see yourself doing them? Don't think about the rest of the world, because you can't control other people. You can only control your actions and reactions.
Now, let's move on to Lauryn Hill's song title. "Everything is everything" This means take NOTHING for granted. Don't assume ANYTHING you do, say, or encounter does not carry influence. Etiquette and general guidelines for manners were designed with this in mind.
People worried about being "politically correct" are overdosing on this thought, while those that open their mouth and operate like cable tv (with no filter for what comes out) are malnourished.
I shouldn't be worried about offending people because I said "girl" instead of "woman". However, people should not walk up to a woman and think that "What's up, B*tch?" is appropriate. It's a mixture of common sense, intention, and respect.
Imagine a ten year old boy hearing you say "What up, B*tch?" to your bestest girlfriend. No matter what you or his parents (if the kid isn't yours) SAY to him, he is going to think (especially as he gets older) that "b*tch" is an acceptable thing to call women. Maybe your bestest girlfriend is emotionally or psychologically abused at home, being called a "b*tch" on a regular basis by her spouse before he hits her. But she puts a smile on her face out in public because, hey...who wants the world to know that embarrassing scenario?
Maybe you decide to go out the night before work, knowing that you need to go to your son's school in the morning before hand. You wake up cranky, fighting a hangover...you either go into school with a bad attitude and blame it on the teacher "being a b*tch", take it out on your son for having to go in, or you miss it all together. Then, your son doesn't think you care, the school sees your son as a failure, and you've ruined that whole day simply because you HAD to drink the night before.
I always think of Spiderman when pondering this "everything is everything" philosophy. Before he became Spiderman, he had the chance to stop a criminal but said that it wasn't his problem. Later, he feels like crap because that same criminal who he let get away, kills his uncle.
You have to start believing that everything you do and say has influence over the world around you in ways that you NEVER will realize. People must try to accept that. It does not mean that you should be so uptight that you never joke, relax, or enjoy life. I do mean that I feel people would get along better if they tried their best to apologize when they make someone upset, without being defensive. In turn, those offended should accept apologies from someone who truly meant no offense and then let it go (unless it becomes a habit). Watch what you say and do, be classy and respectful, and apologize when you fail to do so.
Some of you will say something along the lines of "I can't please everyone" or "I'm can't watch what I say and do 24/7. I'm going to offend someone." To you, I say "Quit being f*cking lazy." If you have a problem of being offensive, work on it. The more you do, the easier it will get with time. It's not a quality to let whatever you want to fall out of your mouth offending others, it's a flaw. Society today appears to think "keeping it real" means saying whatever comes into your mind and not caring what others think or do (see entry "Care Bear Stare, Fool")
Everything is everything.
I think most people will respect that.
POINT: No matter who you are, you have great power and influence...over someone. You can either be a good influence or a bad influence over those people you encounter.
Most seemingly healthy (or confident) people seem to apply all the positive things to themselves when hearing general opinions. Then, if they hear something negative, they think of all the people they know that commit the act.
Example: "I can't stand liars. They are the worst kind of people"
Figment of my imagination, "Parker" reads that statement and thinks 'Oh, I agree with that. I've had this person lie to me and that person lie to me. I have no patience for liars."
Example2: "Patty Bo Batty helped all of those kids. She's so generous."
"Parker" reads that statement and thinks "I helped those kids, too. Why didn't I get any credit? People never remark on the good things I do."
Now, you might be surprised to find out that "Parker" just lied to his boss about how her new dress looks on her, to his best friend about why he can't help move furniture, and about farting in the elevator. So, Parker jumps on the bandwagon about liars, but he himself is a liar. Is Parker a bad person? No. Has Parker really taken time to think about his own behavior and how that statement might apply to him?
Example 2 might be more accurate if we added the fact that Parker also called one of his co-workers a b*tch behind her back. He also doesn't do any of the work he is supposed to do, but he does help the kids. Does his working with those kids really make up for him name-calling or allowing all of his co-workers to carry the rest of his load?
I say all this to say, as you read this (or any other written observation or advice), apply it to yourself first. Do YOU do these things or say these things? Can you see yourself doing them? Don't think about the rest of the world, because you can't control other people. You can only control your actions and reactions.
Now, let's move on to Lauryn Hill's song title. "Everything is everything" This means take NOTHING for granted. Don't assume ANYTHING you do, say, or encounter does not carry influence. Etiquette and general guidelines for manners were designed with this in mind.
People worried about being "politically correct" are overdosing on this thought, while those that open their mouth and operate like cable tv (with no filter for what comes out) are malnourished.
I shouldn't be worried about offending people because I said "girl" instead of "woman". However, people should not walk up to a woman and think that "What's up, B*tch?" is appropriate. It's a mixture of common sense, intention, and respect.
Imagine a ten year old boy hearing you say "What up, B*tch?" to your bestest girlfriend. No matter what you or his parents (if the kid isn't yours) SAY to him, he is going to think (especially as he gets older) that "b*tch" is an acceptable thing to call women. Maybe your bestest girlfriend is emotionally or psychologically abused at home, being called a "b*tch" on a regular basis by her spouse before he hits her. But she puts a smile on her face out in public because, hey...who wants the world to know that embarrassing scenario?
Maybe you decide to go out the night before work, knowing that you need to go to your son's school in the morning before hand. You wake up cranky, fighting a hangover...you either go into school with a bad attitude and blame it on the teacher "being a b*tch", take it out on your son for having to go in, or you miss it all together. Then, your son doesn't think you care, the school sees your son as a failure, and you've ruined that whole day simply because you HAD to drink the night before.
I always think of Spiderman when pondering this "everything is everything" philosophy. Before he became Spiderman, he had the chance to stop a criminal but said that it wasn't his problem. Later, he feels like crap because that same criminal who he let get away, kills his uncle.
You have to start believing that everything you do and say has influence over the world around you in ways that you NEVER will realize. People must try to accept that. It does not mean that you should be so uptight that you never joke, relax, or enjoy life. I do mean that I feel people would get along better if they tried their best to apologize when they make someone upset, without being defensive. In turn, those offended should accept apologies from someone who truly meant no offense and then let it go (unless it becomes a habit). Watch what you say and do, be classy and respectful, and apologize when you fail to do so.
Some of you will say something along the lines of "I can't please everyone" or "I'm can't watch what I say and do 24/7. I'm going to offend someone." To you, I say "Quit being f*cking lazy." If you have a problem of being offensive, work on it. The more you do, the easier it will get with time. It's not a quality to let whatever you want to fall out of your mouth offending others, it's a flaw. Society today appears to think "keeping it real" means saying whatever comes into your mind and not caring what others think or do (see entry "Care Bear Stare, Fool")
Everything is everything.
I think most people will respect that.
POINT: No matter who you are, you have great power and influence...over someone. You can either be a good influence or a bad influence over those people you encounter.
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